March-April 1985

3-4-85

          My old 102 class is starting 104 tomorrow and a private conversation class with me soon, perhaps next Sunday evening. I am on my spring schedule now; private classes change though these seem stable.

3-16-85

          It was made official yesterday; I will not be rehired as a full-time teacher at Fu Jen next school year. Its English department may not be worse than English departments in other universities in Taiwan but I cannot imagine one having a more feared and misguided chair. It is a relief. It has caused me so much unnecessary pain. I am not the bad teacher she thinks and I am not alone in her contempt. Last week I began to type up letter to other schools. I enjoy the prestige of being at a university and I know I have the background to deserve a position at one, at least in Taiwan I do. I have no illusions about being a college professor in the United States but my skills lie in TESOL; here it is seriously needed. Who are [the universities in Taiwan] fooling? It will be funny to see how the rest of this semester goes. I will not slack off; why should I? My feedback is good and I have never wasted anyone’s time. I am going to mail out those letters and see what happens. The point is to get a paying job that will enable me to stay in Taiwan, but this is not the only way to stay. My I Ching reading from a few weeks ago warned me about these things that would come. It advised me of the danger but also advised that by knowing the danger, I could leave [Fu Jen] before the evil consumed me. I am relieved that I have no choice now so I could not go against my fate and bring on tragedy.

4-3-85

          Steve will be leaving his job at JJELS in June to return to the States. He said my name came up when talking about a replacement teachers’ supervisor and there will be many vying for that post; I am not. I do not believe I would like to do what he does in charge in the shadow of that egotistical Jim Steed. I am not going to be waving my hand saying “me, me.” I will see what is going on first.

4-5-85

          Epstein was released today by Helena. He said I should not feel bad now that it happened to him as well as me but I take no solace in it. Epstein is an incompetent jerk and a poor excuse for a teacher. He should have been cut long ago. I am a professional making TESOL my career and know my shit. Helena is wrong about me and even wrong about Epstein if it is true that she cut him because of a recent rash of student absences and “inappropriate” gratitude. I wonder how Nash feels about all this. Is his head getting fat or is he moved by it all? How would I feel if I were Helena’s darling? How would I feel if I knew she was unfair to others but me?

          We had a Passover Seder with Nash, Huai-Hua, Berkowitz, and Ellen. It was a wonderful evening that didn’t end until 11:30. Earlier in the day my JJELS 106-1477 class came to make lunch. They made dumplings, too many dumplings. They thought they could leave the extra here but not this week; not during Passover. They did not seem to understand.

4-22-85

          I did not do any homework last week so I spent five hours today and I am still only half finished. It all comes from Fu Jen. I must add at least four hours of homework from there. I would enjoy it more than I do if Helena were gone. It seemed out of the question until April 12^th. A question about a chairman’s term was circulated by Father Vargo, the dean of the Foreign Language Department. I would be vindicated if I could return and Helena was out. I have not spoken to a soul who would vote for her return and that is seven of the thirteen teachers. Sister Rosa, Brother Nick, and Sister Helena may be the only votes for her return. If she is not out, I will not and cannot go back. I will present my comments to Father Vargo in person tomorrow, I was advised to speak to him before I was given the word on March 15^th but felt it would be futile until last week when this vote came up.

There is much at stake. Staying at Fu Jen will save me money by being able to continue gung-bao insurance to cover my wife who is due in late September. Also, I will have to leave the island by the end of June which is worse than the December departure I thought I would need to make. Even if I am accepted by another government approved school, I would still have to go out and come back every six months. I would even accept a position in the General English Department of Fu Jen if it meant staying here to pay the doctor bills.

 I respect Father Vargo and feel I will get a fair hearing. Nevertheless, it is a fact that I can earn more, do less homework and travel less to teach at a bushiban. The thorn is this: I am qualified to teach at Fu Jen more than some and equal to others who seem to have more respect from Helena. She is the problem; everyone knows it. We could work together and get a lot more done with a better chair. If she stays, the students and teachers will suffer. I will be alright whatever the future holds. I have self-respect and the respect of those who matter to me.

4-28-85

          The teacher survey of Helena is complete. I spoke to Dean Father Vargo on Tuesday and he was very receptive but seemingly powerless to do anything I seek recourse and protocol but that may be asking too much.

Nash sent in a paper to the TESOL conference in Kaohsiung. He called up last Sunday to ask which of two papers he should submit. I did not give a thought to [submitting one myself] until he called. By then, I was too busy. I had no time to look for my [Seton Hall] papers and do likewise. When I finally got around to it, I could not find the paper. The only politically safe paper I had; on “New Englishes” that I thought I would enter. I would rather wait until next year with a new incentive to write and submit a good new report specifically prepared for the conference. I do not blame Nash for wanting to establish himself on the Taiwan TESOL scene; so do I.